Title: What If?

Author: Kristina Q.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me *sigh* but if they did I sure as hell wouldn’t complain *giggles*

Distribution: Anywhere you want as long as you ask me.

Spoiler: AU. I guess.

Warning: This fic contains profanity and male/male slash.

Rating: PG-13.

Jesse was currently sitting in his locker room. He was all alone. He needed to be alone to think. So many different thoughts were running through his mind. So many questions which needed to be answered. He knew exactly how to get the answers, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to get through with it.

These feelings he had. He was not supposed to feel this way. Over the past year he had been attracted to Chris Jericho in a way he had never considered a possibility. Hell, he had been attracted to another man before, many times, but… Chris Jericho? This arrogant, selfish, blond guy. But he was a doll. That beautiful face of his. Those sparkling eyes! They could cause Jesse to shiver every time he looked into them.

Maybe beyond the surface Chris could turn out to be anything but selfish. Maybe no one has had the chance to get to know Chris well enough. Maybe no one had been able to understand his thoughts or emotions. Perhaps Jesse could be that person to open up Chris?

Jesse was insecure whether or not he should go to Chris and reveal his feelings for him. He didn’t want to make a fool out of himself, but he didn’t want Chris to disappear out of his life forever without at least have tried to tell him about his emotions. Jesse inhaled a deep breath and let out a long sigh as he closed his eyes. He needed to tell him.

It was the only thing for him to do if he wanted to have a chance with Chris. Luckily Chris wasn’t straight either, so if he was lucky then there could be a slight chance that he could get together with him. Of course it was a very small chance. But at least there was a chance! It was up to Jesse himself.

Another sigh escaped from his moist lips as he buried his face in his hands, harshly rubbing his rosy cheeks. He tried to relax. He rose from the bench he was sitting on and began pulling off his black sleeveless DX shirt. If he was going to tell Chris that he was in love with him then he had to take a shower first.

After a brief second Jesse managed to free himself from his shirt, exposing his pale torso, tattoos decorating his skin various places. He kicked off his shoes as he unbuckled his jeans.

His hands were lightly quivering as he discarded his jeans along with his boxers. Why did Chris have to have this effect on him? Jesse inhaled and glared down his exposed body. Dammit, Chris wasn’t even there and he was already beginning to harden!

He had to think of something else! He needed to control himself if he was going to face Chris. He was not going to give in to his own lust just because he was hardening now.

“I’ve gotta think of something else… Dudleyz… Rikishi… Nasty! Definitely Rikishi!” Jesse winced at the mental images he was now seeing. He chuckled, “I suddenly feel sick…” he almost whispered to himself as he stepped into the shower.

Carefully he turned on the faucet, adjusting the temperature until it was the way he wanted it to be. He stuck his hand into the hot pouring water to check if it wasn’t too warm. It wasn’t. It was perfect.

He stepped into the water, the warm droplets caressing his skin all over his naked body. The water felt good against his flesh. Trickling down his flushed cheeks and dripping down onto the floor in the puddle of water on the white tiled floor.

No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about Chris. The image of his beautiful face and that gorgeous body was printed in his mind. It was a pure sign that he had to reveal his feelings for Chris. If he didn’t then he would end up going insane!

There was nothing worse than ignorance. Not knowing what Chris could be thinking. Feeling. Wandering around in this constant fog of this confusion. Searching for an answer even though he knew only he could reveal the answer. He wanted to share his feelings with Chris. His love and his life.

He couldn’t conceal it forever. It would be next to impossible to keep his secret wrapped in his own fear of being rejected. It was the same as with Billy once. He had also been afraid to tell him about his love for him. But when he finally did he realized that Billy had been feeling the same way about him since the first time they had met each other.

For those two years he was with Billy he had felt like he was living in paradise. Sparks had been flying and everything had been slow motion. The sweetest kiss was like being resurrected. The slightest touch had felt like fire on his flesh. He was in a heaven of pleasure.

Unfortunately there is a very thin line between Heaven and Hell, pain and pleasure. Also in that case. The past couple of months of their relationship had been more and more strange. Billy had been acting so odd, which caused Jesse to suspect Billy of being unfaithful to him. For some reason Jesse had pushed that thought away. He had ignored it.

One day Billy just suddenly told him that it was over. Jesse’s entire world collapsed. His greatest love walked out of his life. And for what? A bitch who he thought was his friend! Billy rather wanted to spend his life with Chyna. Because of her Billy just gave up on everything they had and shared. Broke his heart.

A stray tear escaped from Jesse’s reddened eye and trickled down his already wet cheek. All this pain Billy had caused was still buried deep inside his heart, still managing to come back to the surface, bringing along the horrible memories of being left alone by the person he loved.

This heartache he was carrying in his soul was one of the many reasons he was afraid to reveal his feelings for Chris. He was afraid Chris would be like Billy. Love him and leave him.

The water was beginning to coolen, mercilessly hitting his skin, creating goose bumps wherever it touched him. Another tear crawled down his cheek. Sniffling Jesse turned off the water as he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a white towel and began to wipe down his soaked body.

Jesse found his entire body was beginning to tremble. Not because he was freezing from the cold water, but because it was soon time to confront his own emotions in front of the person he loved. He was frightened of getting burned again.

He had actually given up on relationships after Billy, but for Chris he was willing to give it another chance. The last chance. If it wouldn’t work out then he was insecure whether or not he could ever love another person again.

Dropping the towel on the floor, Jesse began to get dressed again. He put on his pair of boxers soon followed by his jeans. He kneeled down on the floor next to his duffel bag and started searching for a new t-shirt. Sighing as he found a shirt in his bag when he saw it was a shirt with ‘Doggy Style’ written on the back. Not really appropriate when you were going to tell someone you had a secret crush on him!

Jesse rubbed his temple harshly. This was not going to go as planned. First of all: He hadn’t really planned anything in the first place and second of all: If he had then he would screw it up anyway as always.

He was known for having such a big mouth. Always talking trash. But tonight he was sure he would be speechless when he was supposed to say something very important! He always got so nervous around Chris. It was almost unbelievable what that man could do to Jesse.

Once again Jesse glared at his shirt. This was destined to go wrong. He really didn’t want to wear that shirt, but it was all he had to wear. He definitely didn’t want to wear the old dirty shirt from earlier. After a few seconds of consideration he finally put on his shirt. It was better than showing up shirtless!

He kneeled down again this time to put on and tie his shoes. When he rose again he caught sight of his own reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. A long shivering sigh slipped past his lips. It was time to go tell Chris. He closed his eyes for a brief second before leaving his locker room to go search for him.

The tensing was building in every muscle of his entire body. Carefully he was wandering through the corridors, constantly looking around to make sure no one would see him. Butterflies were flickering in his stomach, his hands quivering as if he was on his way to his own execution.

The way seemed to be so long. Every door was not the one he was searching for. He felt as if he was walking in circles. Searching for his destiny. Searching for his happiness. The only person who would be able to take away all of his pain and sorrow. If he was willing to?

Jesse kept telling himself that it wouldn’t be so bad. He just had to tell Chris that he was in love with him and see how he reacted. It wasn’t like it would cause him to die! It was a part of life. Love was like a flame. Warm and beautiful but when you tried to touch then you got burned.

There! Here it was. The door to Chris’ locker room. He was finally there. Suddenly he’d rather wanted to go back to his own locker room and just forget all about Chris. Why did love have to be so fucking difficult?

He raised his arm and softly knocked on the door with trembling hands. He had never been this nervous in his entire life!

“Yeah?” Chris yelled from inside the room. He sounded quite happy. Maybe it would be a good time to get it over with. He was very insecure when he cautiously pushed the door open.

“Hi Chris,” Jesse forced out despite the fact that he really wanted to close the door again and leave. The smile on Chris’ perfect pink lips slowly developed into a frown. Jesse concluded that Chris obviously didn’t like him. “Jesse? What are you doing here?” he said harshly but also surprised.

Jesse couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He hadn’t expected Chris to be like this. He knew they had never been the best friends since the first day Chris arrived in the fed. He didn’t want to give up now though. He had gotten so far and wouldn’t let this opportunity go that easy.

Playing with one of his braids, Jesse closed the door behind him and then glared down on his feet. He was afraid Chris would be able to see the nervousness in his eyes. “I was just…” Jesse began but trailed off and chuckled, “I mean… I wanted…”

Chris’ eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out what was wrong with Jesse. He was acting so strange. What was he trying to tell him?

“What is it?” Chris abruptly exclaimed very impatiently. Jesse was already regretting ever coming into his locker room. He should have stayed away!

He was cursing to himself mentally while he inhaled a deep breath and finally managed to say something coherent, “I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight?” Fuck, that was not what he was supposed to say! How stupid! He definitely fucked it all up now!

Chris was just glancing at Jesse. He was shocked. No wonder! Right now Jesse was hoping for someone to interrupt them so he wouldn’t have to explain why he was asking such a weird question. But no one came!

“I’m sorry! Fuck, I shouldn’t have-“ Jesse began but was cut off when Chris suddenly broke out of his trance and spoke, “Are you asking me out on a date?” Chris’ eyes were wide and his jaw dropped, “I didn’t mean to… I’m really sorry… I’ll just leave,” he apologized as he began to turn around, about to open the door when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

Jesse turned back in despair and was instantly gazing into Chris’ sparkling eyes. A shy smile appeared on his moist lips. “I’d love to!” he said, joy coating his voice, “What?” Jesse wondered out loud, “I’d like to go out with you…” he replied, his voice shaky.

His smile broadened, showing his perfect white teeth, causing Jesse to return the smile. He couldn’t believe Chris had actually accepted! It seemed so surreal! “You sure?” Jesse nearly laughed in pure joy, “Yes. I’m sure!” he said very sincere.

Never in his life had Jesse been so surprised and happy! Chris Jericho wanted to go out with him! It couldn’t be true… “Ummm… ok!” his voice was shaky and coated with laughter, “Where should we… um… meet?” Jesse murmured as he nervously played with one of his braids. He could feel his cheeks turning bright red.

“Why don’t you stop by my hotel room tonight…?” Jesse could sense that Chris was just as nervous as he was. Maybe Chris did feel the same way as Jesse did! “Great!” Jesse exclaimed happily causing Chris’ eyes to sparkle with laughter.

“Ok… um. I’ll see you tonight then,” Jesse just needed to get away from Chris right now before he would scream out loud because he was so happy! Just as he was about to turn around to open then door Chris spoke again, “Jesse?” “Hmmm?” Jesse wondered as he glared at the most beautiful face in the world, “Don’t you wanna know what time?” he laughed, “Oh! Of course,” Jesse began laughing too. “9pm. Is that too late?” Chris raised his eyebrows, “No it’s fine!” a shy smile appeared on his dry lips before he darted his tongue out to moist them.

He inhaled deeply before opening the door and stepping out, carefully closing it behind him. It all seemed so surreal. Like a dream. It was unbelievable. Jesse had to pinch his own arm to make sure he was awake and not that he had fallen asleep in his locker room. He winced a little at the pain in his arm, but smiled. He was awake!

He was awake and Chris hadn’t rejected him! Jesse was already looking forward to that evening. He couldn’t wait for so many hours. Now he just wished that Chris wouldn’t push him away like Billy did.