Title: Realization.

Author: Kristina Q.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me *sigh* but if they did I sure as hell wouldn’t complain *giggles*

Distribution: Anywhere you want as long as you ask me.

Spoiler: AU. I guess.

Warning: This fic contains profanity and male/male slash.

Rating: PG-13.

Notes: Chris Jericho POV.

That kiss. It was so gentle and yet so rough. So cautious and yet so wild. His lips felt good against mine. He tasted like a dream. Something I can’t really describe. Something I’ve been searching for my entire life.

Sweet like chocolate. The sweetest taste I’ve ever experienced. It’s simply indescribable. An irresistible flavor that just makes you want more and more. It makes you addicted.

He left less than a minute ago and I’m already craving for his taste. I wasn’t even supposed to kiss him. I just did. I couldn’t help myself. All day I’ve been glaring at him. Those eyes he has. Looking so innocent even though I know that’s one of the last things he is.

And those lips. So full. Perfect. As if he had escaped from a dream you dreamt every night, knowing that you could never have him. And there he was suddenly. Alive and real. How could I be so blind? He was there all along! I’ve searched for him without even knowing that he existed!

Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed him? I think I should have waited for a little longer. Let him get over his relationship with Billy. I don’t even know if he still has feelings for Billy. I bet he does. Those two were so close. Jesse couldn’t be alone for one day without he started missing Billy.

He loved him with all his heart. Jesse gave him all he could but received nothing in return. Billy used him. He didn’t love him in return. It was all for the sex and the day he found another he could treat as his own private bitch, he dumped Jesse!

Jesse was devastated! His entire world collapsed when Billy left him lying in the dirt pleading for him to stay with him. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. Everyone was wrong. No one ever expected their relationship to end the way it did!

They seemed to be the happiest couple in the world. Didn’t care what people said about them. Always holding hands. Constantly touching each other. They simply couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

I never really knew I felt anything for Jesse until the day he and Billy broke up. I remember seeing Jesse in the hallway, tears running down his flushed cheeks, Hunter trying to stop him. I asked Hunter what had happened and he told me that Billy had told him it was over. He had found a new.

At that very moment I found myself feeling sorry for Jesse. I wanted to kick Billy’s ass, but I didn’t know why.

Since that day I’ve felt this weird feeling towards Jesse. I wasn’t sure what it was. I got so nervous around him. Butterflies in my stomach. And today when he came to my locker room and asked me out… I was the happiest person on earth. I realized I had a crush on him.

I paced back and forth all day until I couldn’t stand it any longer! I laid myself down on the couch trying to relax a little and I accidentally fell asleep. I woke up as I thought I heard a knocking noise. I was pretty tired so I didn’t really care. Until I realized that it was Jesse knocking on the door.

He must have been standing outside my room for a while because when I opened the door it looked like he was about to walk away. I would have killed myself if he had left before I opened the door! But there he was. Gorgeous as always. I don’t think he realize how beautiful he actually is. I would be happy to be the one to tell him how beautiful he is. Every damn day!

I would really have wanted to stay here with him, but my friend needed my help. I better get going. I promised to be there in… 25 minutes.

Should I try and make this work with Jesse? I mean, he has been hurt before and I don’t want to push him into something he might not be ready for. And I’m not even sure if I’m ready for it either.

I want him. He’s everything that makes this life worth living! I love him… I love him. There, I said it. I’m in love with him. I’ve been for years, but never realized it until now. And now… now I can’t exist without him. Physically I can. But not emotionally.

And that kiss didn’t make it any better. I just needed to taste him. And I want to taste him again.

Still I’m insecure whether or not I should continue down this path. I love him so much, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt him. I want him to be happy, and maybe I’ll cause him more sorrow than happiness.

I can’t control my emotions any longer! It’s driving me insane! Feels like I’m trapped in my body, not being able to reach out and touch what I wanna touch. Not being able to say what I want to say. I want to tell him that I love him and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

He’ll probably be surprised. I’ve felt like this for a long time. No one knew. He didn’t know. And I didn’t know.

I don’t want to sound like a selfish bastard, which I probably am, but I think Jesse deserves someone better than Billy. I’m saying I’m the best guy on earth, but I’m a hell of a lot better than Billy.

If Jesse and me do get together then I would never hurt him the way Billy did. Why the hell did Billy leave him any way? He had everything. He had someone who loved him and would do anything for him and yet he was not satisfied. I doubt he didn’t love Jesse. It’s not possible. Jess is just too lovable. You can’t dislike him or hate him for that matter!

If Jesse were mine then I’d give him all I had including my heart. God, I sound like a pathetic loser. Instead of saying all these things I should go out and do them! His hotel room is not far from mine. I could go straight to him when I come back.

Maybe I shouldn’t though. I need some time to think. To control my thoughts. I think he needs that too.

He seemed very surprised when I kissed him. I had actually expected him to push me away. But he didn’t. He returned the gesture! To my surprise it seemed as he liked it just as much as I did. It was a kiss I will never ever forget!

I can still taste him slightly on my lips. Still sweet and addictive. I wonder if the rest of his body tastes the same way. Maybe better. His delicious pale skin. I wanna nip at his tattoos. Taste him again and again.

Please him beyond speech. Hold him in my arms, feel his body close to mine and never let go of him again. I want to make love to him day and night. I wanna caress him when he’s sad and tell him that everything will be ok.

I just don’t know if it will ever come true or if it will just be another of those dreams you dream over and over again, wishing for it to come true even though you know it never will.