Title: First Date.

Author: Kristina Q.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me *sigh* but if they did I sure as hell wouldn’t complain *giggles*

Distribution: Anywhere you want as long as you ask me.

Spoiler: AU. I guess.

Warning: This fic contains profanity and male/male slash.

Rating: PG-13.

Notes: Jesse James POV.

As I walk down the hallway I can feel the butterflies beginning to flicker in my stomach. I’ve never been this nervous in my entire life. It’s even worse than this afternoon where I finally asked him to go out with me. I wasn’t supposed to ask him. It just happened. I don’t know if I should be relieved or afraid.

After all this could might as well be the end as it could be the beginning of a relationship with him. And believe me there’s nothing else in this world I’d like to have than a relationship with Chris!

I won’t push him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. I’ve been in love with him for a hell of a long time and I’d kill myself if I fucked this up now. Not so close to being with him! I wouldn’t be able to look at my reflection in the mirror, knowing that I fucked up another chance of being loved.

I couldn’t bear to know that I hurt Chris the way Billy hurt me.

Held me in his arms and told me I’d be his forever. Cradled me. Touched me. Kissed me. Loved me. Left me.

The pain he caused me was unbearable and I wouldn’t want to inflict that kind of pain on Chris.

Fuck I’m so nervous now. My hands are all sweaty and shaking. I didn’t bring anything. I didn’t know what to bring so I just didn’t… Normally you bring stuff to give to the person you’re going on a date with, but I was too confused to find anything.

Besides I don’t really know if there was anything he’d want or if he even wanted me to bring anything for him in the first place!

Holy fuck! There’s the door to his hotel room. A few more steps and there’ll only be a door between us. Just as I thought the tension in my stomach couldn’t be worse. It’s indescribable. This unique effect he has on me. I would do anything he asked me to. No matter what it was. I’d even kill for him! Maybe not, but I’d do almost anything.

Now I’m right in front of the door. I just feel like continue down the hallway, but I don’t think that’ll be a good idea. I’d hate myself for the rest of my life if I did that. And it’ll make me look like coward.

My hands are trembling even more and I take a deep breath, rub my sweaty palms against the tight denim fabric covering my thighs and cautiously knock on the door.

Nothing happens. The door isn’t being opened. But why? Did he… did he only bring me here to make me look like a damn fool? I glance around a couple of times, making sure no one is looking at me from around the corner.

It wouldn’t surprise me if this was all a setup! He’s probably sitting somewhere together with his buddies, laughing because I’m so stupid to show up here expecting him to open the door to a room he’s not even in…

I should have known. Why would he want a mutt like me anyway? He deserves better. And I don’t deserve someone as beautiful and popular as him.

I can feel tears prick behind my eyes, but I hold them back, refusing to show how vulnerable I am even though I’m alone here.

I sigh and swallow hard before I once again knock on the door, this time a little harder just to check if he really isn’t in there. Still no answer. I guess he’s not here. I can’t help but feel very disappointed and indeed hurt. I really thought he was sincere. I was wrong.

God, I feel so stupid…

I slowly turn around to walk away since there’s no reason to stay here and just as I’m about to take the first step I hear a squeaky sound as the door suddenly opens up. I instantly freeze. I can feel my heart skip a few beats before I carefully turn back.

There he is! Beautiful as always. Standing in the door. Waiting for me. It’s unbelievable. I can’t believe it’s actually true but it is. I was so sure he wasn’t here.

He’s just standing there so close to me I can actually reach out and touch him. I won’t however. I’m much too scared to do that. I can’t seem to move at all. I feel as I’ve been turned into a statue. For me it doesn’t matter as long as he’ll stay there so I can watch him for the rest of my life. For him I would stand here forever.

I glance into his crystal clear blue eyes causing him to develop a shy smile on his perfect pink lips. I would give anything to taste those delicious lips. I cautiously return the smile to him. I think I’m blushing slightly.

Everything seems to be in slow motion. Violins are playing in my head. It’s the sweetest and most beautiful melody I’ve ever heard.  A million tiny glittering sparks of love springs from behind him as if it was a fountain of fire. I know it’s all just in my head but it all makes him seem so more beautiful.

I wouldn’t trade this for anything else in the world!

I’ve never felt like this ever since… ever since Billy! But hell I refuse to think about Billy. Not tonight. Not any night! He’s history. A part of my past and I can’t keep dwelling on the past. Chris could be my future. All I have to do is just reach out for him and take his hand.

“Come inside…” he manages to say, his voice quite shaky. Seems that he’s as nervous as I am. I stand for a few more seconds, savoring everything. His face, eyes, body. Everything. I can’t say a single word so I just nod as he steps aside allowing me to come into his hotel room.

I step inside the room only to be surprised! The lights are dim and the long curtains are covering the large windows, not letting any sunshine penetrate into the room. In the middle of the room on the floor there was a little table. The gentle light from the candles’ flickering flames. There were two chairs on opposite sides of the table.

Chris had really been looking forward for this since he had done so much! “I don’t have any food to serve…” Chris suddenly said, looking quite guilty for not arranging any dinner. I couldn’t help but smile at that. He looked so cute like that. “That’s ok. I’m not really hungry anyway,” is all I can say not to hurt his feelings.

This could be an interesting evening!

Chris motions for me to sit down with his hand and I don’t hesitate for a second, never taking my eyes off him as I sit down on one of the chairs. I watch him eagerly as he sits down on the other chair in front of me.

He shifts a couple of times in his chair before finally being comfortable. He looks down on his hands, nervously playing with his own fingers. Then he shifts a few more times in the chair, “You want anything to drink?” he asks before clearing his throat, “Yeah…” I sigh without even noticing how pathetic it actually sounds.

Quickly he rises and goes to the little refrigerator to search for something to drink. I carefully watch each and every move of his. It’s amazing how gorgeous he is no matter what he does. “What would you like? Beer, wine, diet coke?” he asks me. I’m not sure what I want. Except for him. I’m so caught up in my own thoughts that I actually only remember the last part of what he said. “Diet, I think…” I murmur, trying not to sound as bad as I did before.

I keep watching him as he grabs the diet coke and carefully shuts the fridge. Glancing at me he asks, “You want a glass?” with a shaky voice. I can’t believe that he’s still nervous considering that I’ve been here for… 10 minutes. My trembling has died out now and I think I’ll soon be able to control myself completely.

Still I’m unable to speak coherently so I just nod and smile. He reaches to find a glass, fumbling to actually pour into the glass and not on the surface of the table.

After a minute of trying to control his quivering hands he finally sits down again, giving me the glass. I look at. That’s all I do, but only for a brief seconds. Then I return my gaze to his pretty face. Again he clears his throat, “Anything else I can get you?” he is just about to rise again, but I prevent him from doing it as I grab his hand.

He instantly sits down again, glaring surprised at my hand then up at my face before he sends me a smile that nearly causes me to melt as if I was the tiniest snowflake in the middle of the desert in Africa !

I gently rub my thumb along his velvet smooth skin on his hand. His skin feels so warm like fire only that it doesn’t burn me. So soft like silk. Little jolts of electricity shoots through my fingers as I softly caress him. He closes his eyes for a second, savoring my touch. At least that’s what I’d like to pretend he does.

“Please. It’s ok like this. Just please, Chris. Sit down for a moment…” I say, sounding surprisingly calm. Funny, I thought I was nervous… I guess I’m not anymore.

“What do you wanna do?” he questions me, searching my face with his eyes to figure out what I want. He fails however. “I don’t know… talk?” I suggests as I shrug my shoulders. Somehow he seems to calm down a little. I keep tracing little patterns on his skin with my thumb, trying to soothe him some more.

We just sit there for what seems like hours even though it’s only a few minutes. Everything seems to freeze except for us. Everything has stopped. Except our heartbeats and our breath. The silence is overwhelming quiet. Almost too quiet. I swallow hard and lean forward, resting my elbows on the table.

“I think I’m in love with you…” I whisper. My cheeks are flushing. I can feel it. And my heart is pumping madly. He seems to be stunned. For a moment I’m afraid he’s gonna burst out in laughter. But he doesn’t. Instead he disentangles his hand from mine and pulls away.

Oh, fuck! I said something I shouldn’t have said. I can feel the feeling of panic starting to rise in me. I knew I shouldn’t have said that! Why am I such a fool! I should have kept my big mouth shut.

“Oh, shit… Chris I’m sorry… I – I shouldn’t have said that… I’m… oh fuck…” fear is coating my voice and I instantly try to get up from the chair, but he holds up his hand, motioning for me to sit down again. I hesitate for a brief moment before sitting down again.

He leans forward, closing the distance between us causing me to move backwards. He’s scaring me now! As he reaches out to cup my face I can feel my breath startle. Then his mobile phone rings.

I lean back in the chair somewhat relieved while he gets his phone out of his pocket and answers it, “Hello? Yeah… what? Are you sure? Ok. Ermmm… then I’ll be there in about…” he glances at his watch and then at me again, “30 minutes, ok? Yeah… Take care,” he puts his phone in the pocket and looks at me, his expression is slightly disappointed.

“I’m really sorry… but a friend just called. I have to leave,” he says, scratching his head, “Of course… I understand…” I say trying not to sound as disappointed as I actually am. He sighs as he gets up and then I get up as well.

I start towards the door and just as I’m about to open the door he calls after me, “Jesse!” I turn around, very curious to know what he wants, “Hmm?” He is biting his lower lip. He slowly moves a few steps closer to me.

We’re now standing inches from each other. The door is pressing against my back. I swallow hard when I notice that he is coming closer, our noses almost touching. He leans in to press his lips on mine. It is a quick kiss, but I can still taste his flavor on my lips when he withdraws his from mine. “I’m glad you told me about your feelings…” he smiles.

I release the breath I realize I am holding. I’d give anything and do anything to taste those sweet lips again. It’s like he can read my mind because within seconds his lips are on mine again. This time more passionate.

It starts out slowly and cautious but soon the intensity of the kiss grows. He slightly parts his moist lips allowing me to explore his exquisite flavor with my tongue. I am unable to hold back a moan when I feel his hand slide around my waist and I move my hands up his spine until my fingers are tangled in his long golden locks. I can’t describe this moment. I taste all the sweetness of the world.

I gasp for air when he breaks the kiss, looking into his sparkling eyes. I carefully remove my hands from his soft hair, my hands quivering almost violently. I reach behind me and fumble to find the doorknob and turn it as soon as I’ve found it.

“I better get going…” I pant as I step out the door backwards, nearly tripping over my own feet. He laughs a little. Probably because I act so goofy right now, but hell, I didn’t expect him to kiss me! A hug would have been Heaven for me, but a kiss? I’m gonna faint as soon as I return to my own room!

This is the fucking weirdest date I’ve ever been at! I don’t look back at him when I walk away. I’m afraid I won’t be able to leave if I do. I hear the door close as soon as I walk around the corner. I sigh and I grin just like a maniac!

I am now facing the door to my own hotel room. Reaching inside my pockets, searching for the key. I bet I’m gonna have some sweet dreams tonight. Wonder if Chris will be dreaming about me? Damn this seems so surreal!

There! I find my key and pull it out, sticking it into the lock and turn it. The clicking sound seems almost distant. I can’t think of anything else than Chris.

I step inside and smack the door behind me. Walking straight to the bed, I sit down on the edge and look down onto the carpeted floor before I lay myself back, sprawling across the mattress. My smile is broader than it has been for several years. And I thought being with Billy was Paradise ? Boy was I wrong. This feeling is so much better!

Yawning and rubbing my eyes I realize how tired I actually am. I’m exhausted. I roll off the bed and undress myself until I’m only wearing boxers and then crawl back into the bed, burying myself under the blankets.

I think the date only lasted for 20 minutes, but it was the greatest 20 minutes in my entire life! Another yawn. I close my eyes and feel a stray tear escape from my eye and trickle down my cheek. Not even bothering to wipe it away, I just inhale deeply and sigh. My breath starts to even out.

I am already dreaming about Chris.